Sam the Storyteller
Theatre is my wife; fiction is my mistress.
Recent Entries 
Doctor Who
Summary: The Doctor joins some Kings of Orient following a star, helps a quartet of sociologists, gets thrown in prison, meets shepherds (ditto: talking sheep), finds a baby in a stable, uses Christmas carols for nefarious ends, and learns The True Meaning Of Camel.
Notes: I can't take credit for the turtles; it references an urban-legendy anecdote, by way of Stephen Fry on Quite Interesting. Thanks to [info]hija_paloma for beta-reading.

The Gift of the Mad Guy )
12th-Nov-2008 07:03 pm - Bar TARDIS; G.
Doctor Who
Title: Bar TARDIS
Rating: G
Summary: When Rose starts feeling a little too much kinship for the banana tree in the kitchen, the Doctor takes her for a quiet drink. A really quiet drink.

First posted 4.7.07

Bar TARDIS )
1st-Nov-2008 09:40 am - The Impressionist Mechanism
Gen Fic
Title: The Impressionist Mechanism
Rating: PG
Fandom: Harry Potter (PoA film specific)
Summary: What possesses a relatively sensible grown man to buy spine candles for a children's classroom?
Notes: First posted in Copperbadge and never archived here, I found it when resurrecting Copperbadge and thought I would repost. I believe it was written for a fic contest on FictionAlley, having to do with "visuals from the PoA film" which had just come out.

First posted 6.14.2004.

The Impressionist Mechanism )
31st-Oct-2008 05:51 pm - Compromise; Torchwood, PG
Torchwood
Title: Compromise
Rating: PG
Characters: Team; mild Jack/Ianto
Summary: After the Beacons, Ianto's inner censor is offline and Jack refuses to go home. German expressionism ensues.

Compromise )
29th-Aug-2008 09:19 am - Care And Feeding; Torchwood, PG
Torchwood
Title: Care And Feeding
Pairing: Jack/OMC, Jack/Ianto
Rating: PG
Spoilers: None, really.
Notes: This is a sort of paradox; it's a chronological prequel to Nice Coat, by [info]adina_atl, but was written second. Nice Coat is a genius of a fic and you should definitely read it first; the ideas laid out in this fic are all Adina's, I just nicked them to play around with.

Care And Feeding )
24th-Jun-2008 10:50 pm - All That I Ain't Got; Torchwood, PG
Torchwood
Title: All That I Ain't Got
Rating: PG
Summary: The letters exchanged between Jack and Ianto during the three month time period of "Won't You Come Home To Me".
Author's Notes:
1. Read the prequel first. No, really. It's short and painless.
2. Fuck postage stamps. I am not so dedicated to my art that I'm going to look up what kind of stamp would go on a postcard from Nairobi to Cardiff.
3. Jack's handwriting font, I think you all should know, is called "Attract More Women".
3a. That petting-zoo joke is all me. Sorry, Wales.

All That I Ain't Got )
Torchwood
Title: Won't You Come Home To Me
Rating: PG
Summary: Jack doubles back on himself, and Ianto is left to arrange matters.
Notes: Having been linked by [info]martyfan to a list of fics where Jack crosses his own timeline, I noticed that most if not all of them were terribly bittersweet. So I decided to write a funny one, and this is it. I originally said I wasn't going to post the letters between Jack and Ianto during this fic, but then I changed my mind. You should read this first, though, so you understand All That I Ain't Got.

Won't You Come Home To Me )
Torchwood
Title: Troublemaker (In A Nice Suit)
Rating: G
Summary: Afon Jones was a tailor with a shop convenient to the Plass and a son called Troublemaker.
Notes: Normally I wouldn't announce the fact that I wrote this in forty minutes, but it's my justification against the fact that I announced I wasn't going to write anything new until I'd finished my WiPs.

Ianto loved his father's shop. )
31st-May-2008 06:21 pm - Manchild; Torchwood, G
Torchwood
Title: Manchild
Rating: G
Summary: "So we made a new rule: if you shoot the Captain you buy dinner."

Manchild )
Torchwood
Title: Sleeping My Way To The Top
Rating: PG
Summary: "I quit. You be leader." "Nice coat. Want a job?"

Sleeping My Way To The Top )
31st-May-2008 06:15 pm - First Day; Torchwood, PG
Torchwood
Title: First Day
Rating: PG
Summary: "Ianto Jones. I hired him last night after he almost got me killed by a pterodactyl. Good times."

First Day )
Slash Fic
I feel guilty and awful every time I write about real people, and yet I do it anyway.

Well, guilt is overrated.

Title: Close Your Eyes And Think Of England
Rating: PG at most, for talk of pornography
Summary: "Oh, are we talking about slash again?" (various actors from Doctor Who/Torchwood/Harry Potter)

It wasn't anything weird. )
28th-Mar-2008 10:49 am - And Yet; Torchwood, PG
Torchwood
Title: And Yet
Rating: PG
Pairings: Ianto/Lisa, Ianto/Tosh, Ianto/Jack, Ianto/Rose
Summary: Three ways that things were; three ways that things could have been.
Spoilers: Through Fragments, 2.12.

Lisa, it's me. )
23rd-Mar-2008 02:17 pm - The Rules of Torchwood Three
Blue Moon Coffee
Title: The Rules of Torchwood Three
Characters: Team
Spoilers: Through 2.13.
Rating: PG, Gen.
Author's Notes: Credit to [info]nardo218 for the Matrix screen saver line. Also, [info]ak_alterego has created a graphical version of this with awesome handwriting and layout. If you'd like to comment, you can do so here.

The Rules spawned a series of stories now known as the Rulesverse, centred around an OC named Nicholas who comes to work for Torchwood after Jack's disappearing act at the end of Season One. You can find them in order at the rulesverse tag, or via the following links:

Nicholas Redux
The TARDIS House Rules
International Rules
The Rules of Social Conduct

First posted 2.20.08

Summary:

Imagine, if you will, a raw recruit to Torchwood, stood purposefully in front of a large whiteboard in a corner of the Hub.

"Memorize them," Ianto tells him, claps him on the shoulder, and wanders off.


THE RULES OF TORCHWOOD THREE )

Updated for 2.13, Exit Wounds. )
Doctor Who
Title: The TARDIS House Rules (Sequel to The Rules Of Torchwood Three)
Rating: PG
Summary: Life with the Doctor is both simple and complex, but fortunately Nicholas and Donna have the Whenkipedia to guide them.
Spoilers: Through the finale of Season Four.

First posted 6/9/2008

The TARDIS House Rules, pt. 1/2 )
23rd-Mar-2008 02:11 pm - The TARDIS House Rules, 2/2
Doctor Who
Title: The TARDIS House Rules, Part 2/2
Rating: PG
Summary: Life with the Doctor is both simple and complex, but fortunately Nicholas and Donna have the Whenkipedia to guide them.
Spoilers: Through the finale of season four.

Chapter One Here.

The TARDIS House Rules, pt. 2 )
Torchwood
Title: If We Haven't Got Nightingales, Glenn Miller Will Suffice
Rating: PG. If you aren't old enough to read sex scenes you probably aren't old enough to recognise the sex scene in this fic.
Characters: Team, Gerald and Harriet, assorted minor OCs, the Hub
Pairing: Ahahahaha ahem. Jack/Hub. No, for serious. Plus also Jack/Ianto, but you know. That's canon and stuff.
Spoilers: Through 2.09, Something Borrowed.
Summary: In which Gerald Carter is distinctly annoyed, Ianto Jones goes exploring, Lisa Hallet is the cause of a falling-out, Owen Harper contemplates new digs, Jack Harkness has sex (with architecture), Gwen Cooper weds, and Glenn Miller plays.

If We Haven't Got Nightingales, Glenn Miller Will Suffice )
12th-Mar-2008 09:16 pm - Headcase; Torchwood, PG
Torchwood
Title: Headcase
Fandom: Torchwood
Rating: PG; Jack/Ianto implied
Summary: Concussions are hardly unknown in their line of work.
Author's Notes: Written for [info]villainny, poor concussed thing. Quite short, by my standards anyway; just under 350 words.

Headcase )
5th-Mar-2008 10:10 am - Trying to Communicate; Torchwood, PG
Torchwood
Title: Trying to Communicate
Rating: PG
Characters: Team, hints of Jack/Ianto
Spoilers: Through 2.07, Dead Man Walking
Summary: There's an alien in the Hub, and it's trying to communicate. This borders perilously on crackfic.

There was a sentence he never thought he'd think. )
Torchwood
Title: Hard Bargain
Fandom: Torchwood
Rating: G. (wow, I know)
Characters: Pre-pilot Team (Jack, Suzie, Owen, Tosh, Ianto)
Spoilers: None, so far as I can tell.
Summary: Pterodactyl-hunting in the Welsh countryside nets Jack Harkness an unexpected ally.

Hard Bargain )




Title: Zero-Sum
Fandom: Torchwood
Rating: PG-13
Characters: Jack/Ianto implied
Spoilers: Through 2.08, A Day In The Death.
Summary: "I don't think that anyone has ever questioned my manners in bed before. Restaurants, cars, the course of my duties, but never in bed." "I'm not surprised. I doubt many were around long enough afterwards."
Notes: This arose from a discussion [info]spiderine and I had here.

Ianto. A word please. )
29th-Feb-2008 09:29 pm - Lambert & Butler; Torchwood, PG.
Blue Moon Coffee
Title: Lambert & Butler
Rating: PG
Summary: Well, when coffee, alcohol, and sex fail us...
Pairing: Strictly speaking, gen Owen and Ianto; Jack/Ianto implied.
Notes: Spoilers for everything up through 2.08, A Day In The Death. This was in my head, but probably would never have been written down if not for this macro popping up in [info]ihazastopwatch today. I mean, come on. That's some kind of sign.

After Owen spent three days sulking... )
25th-Feb-2008 09:21 am - Wish; Pushing Daisies, G.
Gen Fic
Title: Wish
Rating: G
Fandom: Pushing Daisies
Summary: Ned still believes that if you blow out all the candles you might get your wish.
Notes: I wrote this a while ago and just now rediscovered it on the Flashdrive Of Doom. It's part of a longer piece but the longer piece didn't work out so well, so I shortened and tightened it. Tadaa!

The Piemaker often wondered how he could be so fortunate and so unfortunate at once. )
12th-Feb-2008 06:40 am - Promotion (Torchwood; PG)
Gen Fic
Title: Promotion
Rating: PG
Characters: Ianto-centric. Shut up. I/J if you squint hard.
Spoilers: Through 2.04, Meat. Really it's a Missing Scene kind of a deal. Only not precisely.
Summary: Being useful is more important than being afraid.

First posted 2.12.08; rewritten for canon compliance 10.21.08.

Ianto knew it wasn't good when Jack called him into his office. )
20th-Dec-2007 10:10 pm - House MD Fic: Karma (rated G)
House MD
Title: Karma
Fandom: House, MD
Rating: G
Summary: This came about when I was watching Grey's Anatomy while they studied for their medical boards. It's short and pointless, and that's pretty much it.

Darling, send the waitress away... )
Crossover Fic
Title: Unfinished Business (House/Grey's Anatomy crossover, incomplete)
Rating: PG for language.
Summary: House wreaks havoc in Seattle Grace Hospital.
Notes: This was jossed violently by the last few episodes of Grey's Anatomy, so I'm posting what I have. I don't intend to finish it. Write your own ending, it's fun and enjoyable! :D

Handy that one of the six icons saved after my paid account expired is the Crossover icon. :D

Guess what I just did. )
29th-Mar-2007 01:51 pm - Close Encounter. G, Heroes crossover.
Crossover Fic
Title: Close Encounter
Rating: G
Notes: Crossover Heroes fic, but saying what the cross is would kind of spoil the surprise. Short short, just a double-drabble.

Close Encounter )
Blue Moon Coffee
Title: True Crime
Fandom: Harry Potter
Notes: Gen, PG for a little gore. Snape-centric. Inspired by my Random Wiki Link.

True Crime )

Title: King and Cavalier
Fandom: Harry Potter
Notes: Harry/Hermione/Viktor, R for sex. Inspired by a challenge ("Choose from the words: Ron, Viktor, Narcissa, knife, cavalier, body heat, young").

King and Cavalier )
14th-Oct-2006 11:08 pm - Meeting of the Minds; CSI/Dexter, PG.
Blue Moon Coffee
Rating: PG
Fandoms: CSI/Dexter
Summary: Gil Grissom meets a young forensics expert from Miami and uncovers an intriguing puzzle.

Meeting Of The Minds )
12th-Jul-2005 11:02 am - Nothing Constant, Ch. 3
Lord Peter Wimsey
Title: Nothing Constant, Ch. 3
Rating: PG, probably upgrading to R eventually
Fandoms: Lovejoy (by Jonathan Gash), Hellblazer (featuring John Constantine), Lord Peter Wimsey (by Dorothy L Sayers)
Summary: Lovejoy has never met an antique human being before, but John Constantine has bigger worries on his mind than what one divvy thinks. Lord Death Bredon Wimsey has a book he wants, but that poor antique book is only the beginning of the trouble for the three men caught in its grip.
Note: Some people may have noticed that these chapters are far shorter than my normal chapter-length; because I'm doing this mainly for my own amusement, I basically write until I come to a likely stopping place and then post. So it's not your imagination :D

Chapter 1 - Chapter 2

An extremely effective calling card. )
12th-Jul-2005 11:01 am - Nothing Constant, Ch. 2
Crossover Fic
Title: Nothing Constant, ch. 2
Rating: PG, probably upgrading to R eventually
Fandoms: Lovejoy (by Jonathan Gash), Hellblazer (featuring John Constantine), Lord Peter Wimsey (by Dorothy L Sayers)
Summary: Lovejoy has never met an antique human being before, but John Constantine has bigger worries on his mind than what one divvy thinks. Lord Death Bredon Wimsey has a book he wants, but that poor antique book is only the beginning of the trouble for the three men caught in its grip.

'You can't be half a divvy.' 'Technically, you can.' )
12th-Jul-2005 11:00 am - Nothing Constant; 1/?
Crossover Fic
Fic in progress; this'll be updated sporadically in segments, probably.

Title: Nothing Constant, part 1
Rating: PG, probably upgrading to R eventually
Fandoms: Lovejoy (by Jonathan Gash), Hellblazer (featuring John Constantine), Lord Peter Wimsey (by Dorothy L Sayers)
Summary: Lovejoy has never met an antique human being before, but John Constantine has bigger worries on his mind than what one divvy thinks. Lord Death Bredon Wimsey has a book he wants, but that poor antique book is only the beginning of the trouble for the three men caught in its grip.

Lovejoy, Meet Constantine. )
11th-Jul-2005 03:58 pm - Three Hires; House MD, PG.
House MD
Title: Three Hires
Rating: PG
Fandom: House MD
Summary: The hiring of the Ducklings, through Chase's point of view. A touch of Chase->Cameron, no spoilers.

Three Hires )
11th-Jul-2005 12:27 pm - Drabble: Guy Talk. House MD; PG.
Flopsies and Drabbles
Summary: House and Wilson don't need very many words.

Guy Talk )
11th-Jul-2005 01:20 am - Brotherly Love; PG.
House MD
Rating: PG.
Summary: House wants to fix things he can't, for the first time in a long time.
Notes: Um. I feel weird about this one, because I'm writing about someone with a very serious mental illness and House makes very light of it. Please know that I have every respect for people with mental illness; I've tried to convey that through Wilson's POV, but I'm not sure it came across.

Brotherly Love )
11th-Jul-2005 01:01 am - Challenge: House MD/Harry Potter, G.
Crossover Fic
Rating: G
Fandom: House MD/Harry Potter crossover.
Summary: House has a weird coma case on his desk and a crazy guy in his clinic rounds. Also fantasies of a remote mute button for Foreman.
NOTE: This would suck less if I had more time to spend on it, but there is too much fanfic out there waiting to be written.

Challenge )
Discworld: Vetinari
Note: This takes place in a mildly alternate universe at some point after Going Postal.

Dame Rumour: Prologue )
Alternate Universe
Note: This story is an Alternate Universe story officially, rather than being "mildly AU to canon". It takes place during Men At Arms, canonically, and retcons both MAA and Guards!Guards!.

Transformations )
9th-Jul-2005 09:20 am - Changes; G. fairly AU.
Discworld: Vimes
Note: This takes place in an alternate universe, a few years after the events of Night Watch.

Changes )
9th-Jul-2005 09:15 am - In The Blood, PG-13; 1 of 2.
Discworld: Vimes
Note: This fanfiction is moderately AU to the canonical series and does not fit within my Discworld timeline of fanfics. It takes place at some point after Night Watch.

In The Blood 1 of 2 )
Discworld: Watch
Note: This fanfiction is moderately AU to the canonical series and does not fit within my Discworld timeline of fanfics. It takes place about twenty-three years after Going Postal.

The Philosophy of Romance )
9th-Jul-2005 09:00 am - Some Buggers; PG, Gen.
Discworld: Vimes
Note: This fanfiction is moderately AU to the canonical series and does not fit within my Discworld timeline of fanfics. It takes place at some point far after Night Watch.

Some Buggers )
9th-Jul-2005 08:40 am - Defender of the Crown; PG.
Discworld: Vimes
This comes after The Night Watch in the book timeline and after The Mare in my fanfiction timeline.

Defender of the Crown )
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